It's so hard to say good bye, and in a way it's never quite real or the truth because we always hope/believe that we'll see each other again. Even when we know that we won't. I think that's the amazing thing about human nature. Faced against all odds, we do lose so much hope, but never completely. I want to say that I hope wherever you are you're happy but I don't believe in after life or heaven or such things. So I drift in between, tricking myself into believing that you're still in this world far far away experiencing the things that you always wanted to. Because I can't yet face the truth that you're really gone.
My friend told me that Buddhists believe that the soul remains among their loved ones 49 days after their death. So when we were talking after Christiana's wake she commented that she didn't like how people kept saying that one day we'll meet each other again because she's still here. I thought it was interesting because from my point of view it showed how people in older times dealt with death. Because when a person dies it doesn't quite sink in for a while. So 49 days I think would be the general amount of time for the average person to accept the reality of the situation. Cos I don't feel you're gone.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I'm sorry.I was always amazed that you were shorter than me because your personality was a hundred billion times bigger than me. I still expect to go back to bing and have you next to me laughing your crazy laugh and being so cheerful and bright. I still remember sitting with you at walmart, telling me how much you loved Do. Going to wegmans late at night and being the only ones there. Being the life of the party at all the sulpoong events. I don't think I'll ever fully grasp that you're not here anymore. You, everyone's favorite noona and dongseng. Everyone loves you. I want to believe that this is all a joke, and you'll come back tomorrow and laugh in everyone's faces and yell gotcha!
Christiana Lee.
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